Left Wondering
by micmac371
Summary: After Dumbledore's funeral, Harry left Ginny sitting by herself and wondering about everything that happened and would happen. Just a thoughtful oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **It all belongs to JKR. This is nothing more than some ideas that popped into my head based on her work.

* * *

I watched him walk away from me. He turned his back on me to go play hero; to save the world. I understand why he did it, but I don't agree with his reasoning. I waited so long for him to come to me; why couldn't it have lasted?

War. It's all because of this bloody war. It tears families, friends, and lovers apart. I suppose that's how any war is. He just happens to be at the center of it all. I go where he goes. He wants to protect me from everything he's suffered and will suffer, but he can't protect me from what's already happened. Riddle already got to me; maybe Harry forgets that.

It's not only that he's ending things with me. It's that he's going off to who-knows-where. Without me. I'll be left at home while he's gone; wondering, waiting, hoping that he'll come back to me. I wouldn't be surprised if Ron and Hermione go with him, and then I'll have no one left here. Well, a few people, but not the ones I really want. Harry won't want them to go with him; he won't want them to get hurt. But he won't stop them like he'd stop me.

I feel so selfish. Here I am sad about Harry breaking up with me, but there's a war going on out there. Dumbledore just died. And all I can do is mope around about Harry breaking up with me like anyone else. I don't have time to sit around and be sad. I may still be in school, but if Hogwarts is closed next year, I'll have to find something else useful to do with myself anyway. I can't stand feeling useless.

What, though? I really want to be out there fighting, but I know that Harry and my parents won't let me. Maybe I could find a job at St. Mungo's. I've always considered becoming a healer. I just like to help people. That was supposed to be after I'd graduated from Hogwarts, though; once I became a fully qualified witch. Will it ever happen now?

* * *

Everyone got up and left. All of Dumbledore's fake mourners went away. The real ones left too, but it seemed like many people were just here because they felt that it was their duty. I've been sitting here for a while now. It seems so silent; almost peaceful, really. Now that everyone's gone, it almost seems like a normal day. Students are out strolling across the grounds, enjoying the last moments of the school year. Can anyone really enjoy things today? It's not a normal day. I think we're all somewhat lost in thought.

Dumbledore always made me pause and think. He seemed so lighthearted, but he had so much weighing on him. I wonder what he thought of death, wise as he was. I doubt that anyone ever really got to know him. He was so different from the rest of us, I'm not sure that we can understand him. Here we all are, mourning his passing, but I don't think he really would have wanted us to. He would have wanted us to go on with our lives and continue fighting Voldemort. That just brings me full circle in my musings though.

Harry is going to go on with his life and fight. He has to. I'm not a part of that anymore, in his mind, at least. I am though, really, when I think about it. I'm not just going to disappear in a cloud of smoke. Unless he manages to completely stop thinking about me, which I doubt he can, Voldemort can still use me to get to him. It worked once before, with Sirius. Why couldn't it happen again?

Sometimes, I wish that I could just fast forward in time to when all this is over. Maybe I won't like the results, but then again, maybe I will. There's really no telling. I just don't want to have to continue sitting here, unable to do anything to help the fight. This is worse than whatever comes later, I think. I hate the feeling of not knowing.

* * *

I should go. It's dinner soon, and then the train leaves. They're clearing up from the ceremony and all the students are returning to the castle. I don't want to move; don't want to face everyone. I'm scared of people asking me where Harry is. I don't want to try to tell them. I'm scared of breaking down and crying. I haven't yet, and I don't want to start now. I want to stay strong and not be too affected by the setbacks of life. To fight I must stay prepared, alert, and strong. There are no breaks during war. Constant vigilance- that's what Moody always says.

It's going dark. Maybe I'll just go back to my dorm and get my things. I don't want to see everyone at dinner. Most of all, I don't want to see Harry. Not yet. But what if I don't see him again before he goes off after Voldemort? I would hate to have the last time I saw him be at a funeral, when he broke up with me. Honestly, I'm scared for him. It's just fine to talk about him going off to track down Voldemort and defeat him, but we don't really think about it. He'll be fighting a very strong wizard. There's no telling what could go wrong.

I'll be okay; I just need a little time to get my life sorted out. I'm much more worried about Harry than myself, but things aren't going to be easy for either of us. Everything's going to be different now. Sitting here thinking is nice, but I need to get going and actually do something.

It's time for me to face these changes. Dumbledore's gone, Harry will be gone soon, and Hogwarts might even be gone too. My life won't be the way I'd imagined it up until a few days ago. That's okay. It's just the way life goes. Right now, life goes by me. Thinking accomplishes nothing without doing accompanying it. I'm ready to go make my mark on the world. It won't know what happened when Ginny Weasley is through with it.


End file.
